I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
