dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
