Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
