You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
