that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
this is an emotional support booty call
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
