I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
