Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
