My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize