i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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