This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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