when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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