i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
