She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
