i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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