also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
