this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
