the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
