i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
