This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
