It's like God shit irony all over that family
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
