U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
