just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
