Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
