Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
