i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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