And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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