it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
