i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
