Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The beer is more important than you right now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
