Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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