He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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