it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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