i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
