my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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