Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
