Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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