True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
