His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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