Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
