Can i not drive my cunt home
i think my tv is drunk
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
