found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
