Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
