Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
