I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
