i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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