Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
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Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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