How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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