3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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