So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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