Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
