the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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