I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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