You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
