She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
