she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
