I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
