You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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