Swine flu. Run for my life!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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