You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
