I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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