the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
