Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
