why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize