i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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