Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
