bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
