My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
