Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
