we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
