Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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