my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
