Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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