hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
