And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
