ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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