just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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