I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
