maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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