Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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