Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
